Simplicity In Existing

Change is inevitable. Change isn’t always a bad thing either, I take it as a sign of improvement and progress. But we’re human and change is hard sometimes, and even scary. Generally speaking,’ from a human perspective; change is something we try to avoid because it’s taking us out of our comfort zone.

Today I attended a discussion that spoke about change with in families and to be more specific change between the life before marriage and after. I’ve been through this change; and actually, I’m still going through it. You know, when you get ready to take that step into the married life there is a lot to consider; a lot will change in your life, your routine, and even in you. You need to think hard and long before you take that decision because committing to something this big means a lot is going to change. It’s not all about ‘you’ anymore, it’s about ‘us’. You’re now living with another human being, you’re sharing not only your living space but also everything that was once yours and under your disposal; meaning you need to consult with another person before taking major decisions because they are now a part of your life…and that’s a HUGE change.

Another thing to keep in mind is, when you take someone to be your other half, you learn everything about them and you see all their good as well as their flaws; meaning what you see is what you get. I always hear people saying something along the lines of ‘oh he/she has this ___ problem and I know it’s a big deal but I’m sure he/she will change when we are married’ WRONG!! You should never, and I mean never; expect someone to change after marriage. This person has been living their whole life like this and you expect them to change after marriage? That’s literally how you set yourself up for disappoint. Change after marriage will definitely happen; after a life time together and you will change together. But to take someone who is doing something you don’t necessarily like and then say, they’ll change after we get married, that’s just not going to happen and you’re just going to end up hurting not only that person but yourself as well. So think of the phrase ‘what you see is what you get’ as you’re looking for your other half.

Also keep in mind the amount of change in this transition is massive. Which means it could be very stressful on both parties. So with that being said; it’s important for both parties to be understanding. There is this phrase in Arab that goes ‘شد وارخي’ which translates to ‘pull and release (the rope)’ and this is a good way to deal with things and change in general. When one side is being pulled you should let go a little that way the rope doesn’t snap.

Changes are always happening as you progress in life. From when you’re single and in school then head to university, that’s a change. Going from university and single to working and married, that’s a change. Going from married with no kids to married with kids, that’s a change…and so on and so forth.

Finally, what I learned from all this is change is bound to happen and you either welcome it gracefully and learn to adapt; or you let it drive you crazy and allow it to ruin your life.


‘‏الحمد لله’
A short, strong, and beautiful phrase that means ‘praise be to Allah [God]’ & ‘thank Allah [God]’. It’s good to keep this phrase on your tongue at all times. Being thankful isn’t always easy; we are human and we forget to be thankful…and sometimes we are just too blinded by what everyone one else has that we don’t see how blessed we truly are. But when a strong phrase such as this is imbedded into your daily life it can make it easier to remember to thank the almighty for all that He has given us. We tend to take a lot of granted but if this phrase is always on our tongues the least it will do is remind us not to take what we have for granted.
So ‏الحمد لله for everything.

Good company. Good company is extremely important. There is a saying in Arabic that says “الصاحب ساحب” which roughly translates to the idea that a friend will pull you towards what they’re doing. Meaning, if you are going to befriend someone be sure they’re good people, because what ever they do will definitely; if not now, eventually influence you. Many will deny it, but it’s true and I’ve seen many examples of it.

Even the Prophet (pbuh) said: ” الرجل على دين خليله فلينظر أحدكم من يخالل” ‎[رواه أبو داود والترمذيُ بإسناد صحيح]

Translation: “A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so beware whom you befriend.” [Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi]
So that shows you the importance of good company. Plus why would you ever want to expose yourself to rotten and toxic people who only do bad? That will not, nor will it ever benefit you as a person. Nothing good will ever come from bad company.

The Prophet (pbuh) said: “إنما مثلُ الجليسِ الصالح والجليسِ السوء كحامل المسك ونافخ الكير، فحاملُ المسك إما أن يحذيك، وإما أن تبتاع منه، وإما أن تجد منه ريحًا طيبة، ونافخُ الكير إما أن يحرق ثيابك، وإما أن تجد منه ريحًا خبيثة ” ‎[‏البخاري ومسلم]

Translation: “The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

So ask yourself; is it worth being their friend if you lose yourself in the process? Think about it.

A lot of times I get people asking me, if getting married and finding love filled that emptiness inside that sometimes one tends to feel. And my answer to that may not be the answer you were looking for, but it is the truth.

No, love did not fill in the emptiness for me. While finding love is great and all, and it may have fulfilled other parts that i was probably missing, but definitely it wasn’t what filled up that strong emptiness in me. Finding the one and finding love shouldn’t be the one thing you rely on to fill that emptiness. Honestly even if you find love i’m a hundred percent sure that the emptiness will still be there, because a person cannot; and will not be able to fill the emptiness you feel inside. The only person who can fill it up is you, by doing good, being kind, finding yourself, doing what makes you happy, strengthening your faith…etc.

Before I got married I had that strong emptiness inside but it wasn’t finding someone that filled it. I filled it way before I got married, way before i ever found love; how? By finding myself. By strengthening my faith, by being there for my parents and being kind to them, by learning how to forgive and give people a second chance, by exploring what makes me happy and doing it, and by doing so much more than looking for/or waiting for love. Love didn’t come till I was able to complete and find myself; and fill that emptiness I felt.

So please don’t ever rely on someone or on love to fill any sort of emptiness or incompleteness you feel, because again, only you yourself can complete and fill that emptiness inside.

Here is something I learned, when you’re happy and content with your life, keep it to yourself. Don’t tell anyone about it if you wanna stay happy and content. Because not everyone will be happy for you, not everyone wants to see you happy with your life, and not everyone wishes you well. Even those close to you… it could possibly be unintentional but the nafs is greedy and can get easily jealous. So if you truly want to stay happy and enjoy what Allah has given you; keep it to yourself, and say AlhamdurAllah ☺️

“So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him].” [93:9] “And as for the beggar, do not repel [him].” [93:10][Sahih International]

There is a great importance of being fair and kind to both the orphan and the beggar that Allah Himself tells us with His own words to do so.

The final Juz! AlhamdurAllah! We made it to the end of Ramadan, a bitter sweet moment haha.

“My Lord, forgive me and my parents and whoever enters my house a believer and the believing men and believing women. And do not increase the wrongdoers except in destruction.” [71:28][Sahih International]
The perfect Duaa, enough said.

“And be not like those who forgot Allah , so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.” [59:19][Sahih International]
Try and always remember Allah in everything you do, in the end it’s for your own benefit. For remembering Allah in all that you do not only helps you make the correct decisions in life, but also adds baraka to it.

“And be patient, [O Muhammad], for the decision of your Lord, for indeed, you are in Our eyes. And exalt [ Allah ] with praise of your Lord when you arise.” [52:48][Sahih International]

Learning to be patient for everything that happens isn’t always easy, but we must try to remember that it all comes from Allah. And everything that comes from Allah has it’s own wisdom behind it.

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