Change is inevitable. Change isn’t always a bad thing either, I take it as a sign of improvement and progress. But we’re human and change is hard sometimes, and even scary. Generally speaking,’ from a human perspective; change is something we try to avoid because it’s taking us out of our comfort zone.
Today I attended a discussion that spoke about change with in families and to be more specific change between the life before marriage and after. I’ve been through this change; and actually, I’m still going through it. You know, when you get ready to take that step into the married life there is a lot to consider; a lot will change in your life, your routine, and even in you. You need to think hard and long before you take that decision because committing to something this big means a lot is going to change. It’s not all about ‘you’ anymore, it’s about ‘us’. You’re now living with another human being, you’re sharing not only your living space but also everything that was once yours and under your disposal; meaning you need to consult with another person before taking major decisions because they are now a part of your life…and that’s a HUGE change.
Another thing to keep in mind is, when you take someone to be your other half, you learn everything about them and you see all their good as well as their flaws; meaning what you see is what you get. I always hear people saying something along the lines of ‘oh he/she has this ___ problem and I know it’s a big deal but I’m sure he/she will change when we are married’ WRONG!! You should never, and I mean never; expect someone to change after marriage. This person has been living their whole life like this and you expect them to change after marriage? That’s literally how you set yourself up for disappoint. Change after marriage will definitely happen; after a life time together and you will change together. But to take someone who is doing something you don’t necessarily like and then say, they’ll change after we get married, that’s just not going to happen and you’re just going to end up hurting not only that person but yourself as well. So think of the phrase ‘what you see is what you get’ as you’re looking for your other half.
Also keep in mind the amount of change in this transition is massive. Which means it could be very stressful on both parties. So with that being said; it’s important for both parties to be understanding. There is this phrase in Arab that goes ‘شد وارخي’ which translates to ‘pull and release (the rope)’ and this is a good way to deal with things and change in general. When one side is being pulled you should let go a little that way the rope doesn’t snap.
Changes are always happening as you progress in life. From when you’re single and in school then head to university, that’s a change. Going from university and single to working and married, that’s a change. Going from married with no kids to married with kids, that’s a change…and so on and so forth.
Finally, what I learned from all this is change is bound to happen and you either welcome it gracefully and learn to adapt; or you let it drive you crazy and allow it to ruin your life.